Five days to go for smokers: Friday, November 1st, just after Halloween, and despite the teasing your costume might have caused, there's a strict rule against drowning your sorrows(and your hangover) in cigarettes. Why? Three words: month.without.tobacco. After spending entire evenings convincing your friends that you could do it if you just tried, the time has come to prove yourself, and there’s no backing down now. To kickstart your motivation, you can tell yourself that you definitely belong to one of the 10 types of smokers hated by the entire country… and for good reason.
Aujourd’hui on commence le mois sans tabac… actuellement 1 paquet par jour depuis 10ans.. souhaitez moi bonne chance
— 𝑊𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑜 (@Valentement) November 1, 2021
1. The smoker who blows smoke right in your face
He is everywhere. At the outdoor café, under the bus shelters, at parties. He takes a puff, then pretends to blow the smoke to the side, but the moment he loses focus, he sprays his conversation partner with that stinky fog. That person has two options: duck out of the conversation by claiming they suddenly need to go, or just endure it. This smoker wouldn't miss out on a slice of conversation just because he's having a smoke: he's a bit selfish, but not the worst kind.
2. The smoker who tells you, "Never start"
This is the classic. It's the tormented smoker, the one full of regret, who swears he should have never started, but life's twists caught him, and now he’s been trying to fight this battle while burning through his savings on packs from all over Europe. His battle is fought through you: he'll always preach if he sees you lighting up every now and then, and especially, ABOVE ALL, he’ll...
eacute;licitera every refusal as if you had eradicated war in the world. "Never start, this thing is really a mess", will be his epitaph.
3. The unrepentant smoker who taxes non-stop
This one brings up some pretty paradoxical feelings. On one hand, your taxing buddy is endearing because he wants to cut down his consumption: he hasn’t bought any for a while; otherwise, he cracks, and you want what's best for him, so you understand. But your taxing buddy is also a real pain. His technique is well perfected: he gives you puppy eyes, comes up with every excuse in the book to grab another one from you, claims it’s the last one, then no, and before you know it, your pack has shrunk by half and it’s not even 4 AM yet. If your buddy pays you back or makes it up to you now and then, that’s great; otherwise, send him packing.
4. The unrepentant smoker who makes blends
He's also not really a proud smoker, but he does even more harm to himself than the occasional puffer: the electronic cigarette (EC) user is a bit in denial. Sure, he's cut down on his tobacco consumption, but the EC isn't quite right for him yet, so he does both. Next to him, you hear big "pppsshhhh" sounds every 10 seconds, and at every break, he lights up because, after all, it relaxes him during work. You don't dare tell him that mixing is surely worse, so you still congratulate him.
5. The crumb-scraping smoker
He's your friend who's a bit poor when it comes to smoking. He hasn't bought any blondes for a long time because they're too expensive, but he can't bring himself to stop rolling his own; it keeps him socially included. As a result, he tries to space out his purchases by finishing his packs down to the last crumb... Let's just say, his kind of matchsticks are quite a sad sight. Especially since he loses half the tobacco inside when he lights them up., then you finish it off in two sips when there's nothing left inside. You often help him out, so he feels a bit sorry for himself…
en soirée, j’suis à l’extérieur vu que mes potes fument. un mec nous rejoint; complètement arraché et me regarde de haut en bas, me donne son paquet de clope presque rempli en me disant «tient t’as l’air pauvre, j’te l’offre»?????????????????? https://t.co/tvDagj1yzd
— 𝔇𝔢𝔩𝔭𝔥𓂀 (@xoxiess) May 19, 2024
6. The Compulsive Smoker
...But definitely less pitiable than your buddy the compulsive smoker. He really goes all in on this vice. He smokes all the time. At his place, he has ashtrays everywhere, even in the bathroom. He lights up another one before finishing the first. Breathing is cheating! You’re a bit worried about him, for his lungs, but also for his breath and the smell of his clothes, yet often, he reassures you with “I'm here to live a beautiful life, not a long life.” So, you find him even more unbearable, and you worry a little less.
7. The Smoker Who Can’t Smell Anything
Unfortunately, this is one of the consequences faced by the compulsive smoker: his senses become blurry, starting with his nose and taste buds. He doesn't find garbage so unpleasant, he doesn’t really see the difference between plain white rice without salt and a plate of truffle pasta, and...start to confuse bitterness and acidity. So, you don't invite him to the restaurant anymore, anyway, he never enjoys a menu as much as a beautiful camel.
8. The stressed-out life that suddenly turns into a smoker
He annoys you a bit because you wish you could be like him. Only smoke when life's events are too stressful, and skip it the following month. He's your friend with the most self-control, the one who tells you "I've got this, I only smoke one a week, I've never been addicted", but beware, those who get into it, get stuck in it, and secretly you hope he becomes addicted like you because you’re just a bit grumpy.
9. The puff smoker
He also irritates you because he takes unnecessary risks. He's your friend who's a bit superficial who loves to join in on cigarette breaks at parties, enjoys everything sweet, and has just gotten himself a pretty candy pink puff flavored like cotton candy.
It's for dad, just to fit in with the others. However, you see him smoking at increasingly closer hours of the day... Luckily, they've just been banned!
10. The Aesthetic Smokerwho's full of himself
This guy is the social smoker who makes his cigarette his most distinguished personality trait. Smoking is above all poetic; the gestures have that little something extra; otherwise, no one would smoke in movies. So, during a gathering, he loves to play it mysterious, leaving his sentences hanging, heading over to the window ledge, and lighting up his (badly rolled) cigarette while staring into space. Often, he pretends to take notes on his phone to get people to pay attention to him, but everyone forgets about him after two minutes, so he sulks, rolls another one, and starts whining about this horrible life.
Carrément fumer ça devient une mode pour certain(e)s
— 🫀 (@henon_lilou) August 21, 2020
